Written by Gustave
09.05.2018 - 06.19.2019 77 °F
Woof! Woof woof!! Woof woof woof!!! Someone is at the gate. I always bark when a car pulls up to the gate. It's my job. I'm a guard dog, and I have the fiercest bark is all the land. And I bark a lot.
My name is Gustave. I think. I'm not really sure because my people call me a lot of different things — Gustave, Gus, Goose. Anyway, let me tell you about the last year of my life. It's been the best year of my life, but that's not saying much because I'm only 6.
It all started when some new people arrived — Dennis and Karen, I think I heard Ephrem and David say. I went crazy when I heard their van pull up to the gate. Boy they had a lot of stuff. So much to sniff! I hoped these people were nice and would give me lots of chicken bones.
Turns out they were nice, and they did give me lots of chicken bones. And cheese. And bits of pie crust. And some things I didn't care for, like carrots and something called rhubarb. I always made sure I was in the kitchen when they cooked, in case they dropped some tasty morsels.
I like to sprawl out, right in the middle of them. I guess I get in the way because they try to open cupboards behind my bum, but I don't care. I make them work around me. I like to be the center of attention.
They make me work for my attention on occasion. For example, when they give me chicken bones, they make me do tricks first. At first I complied and did each trick perfectly. After a few months, though, I learned that I could slack with Dennis. He gave me the goods even if I didn't sit or did a different trick than the one he asked for. Karen was more strict.
Sometimes I get too much attention though. Like, one time a tiny human came over and he wouldn't stop petting me. I gave him the stink eye.
Living with Dennis and Karen is pretty fun. We have a good time around the house, like that one time we had a picnic in the yard. And when I catch flies. And that one time I convinced them to let me in their bed. Apparently I brought a bunch of mosquitos and dirt with me and they never let me in the bed again.
Catching a fly
And Christmas! Christmas was so much fun because they gave me a whole chicken carcass. But then they put this stupid hat on me and made me pose for a photo. Ugh. Humans.
We have fun in the house, but sometimes I yearn to break through that gate and explore the world. Whenever the gate opens, I creep up to it and peek outside, dreaming of what lies beyond my land.
Sometimes I become so desperate to get out that I do bad things. One time, I couldn't hold back. When the gate opened, I ran out and attacked another dog just so my owners would have to take me to the vet. It was a real adventure!
Next time I needed to see the vet, for my regular vaccines, the vet came to the house. I couldn't even feel the shot. I'm that tough.
Sometimes I get to travel outside my kingdom with permission. When Thomas comes. I LOVE it when Thomas comes! Oh my goodness, I can't contain myself when I hear his motor bike approaching the house. He takes me on 2- or 3-hour walks three time a week, and it's heavenly. Then, when we return, he gives me a bath, cleans my ears and brushes my teeth. Woowee, I love those days! The only negative is that after my baths Karen won't let me on the couch until I dry off.
After my walks I get really tired. But it's not always just after my walks. I'm just kind of lazy and privileged, so I take lots of naps.
I'm not totally lazy though. Sometimes I help Dennis and Karen work. They stare at these screens that sit in their laps a lot. They call it work. I don't really get it.
Whenever I want to get up on the furniture, I have to ask permission by resting my chin on the couch and wait for them to give an emphatic, "Come on up, Goose!" They think it's really cute for some reason that I'll never understand.
If I'm lucky, Dennis will give me a good ear scratch.
When Dennis and Karen aren't working, they're always talking about their wedding. Sometimes I dream what it would be like to get married.
I had a girlfriend once. Her name was Lassie. We had a litter together, but we never married.
One day she just disappeared and I moped around the house for a while. I think Dennis and Karen noticed my blues.
A few days ago Karen and Dennis brought out all those bags again that they arrived with and tried to get me to pose for pictures. They were wearing these silly matching shirts with their photos on them that say "Have a good day!" They're weird. They also hugged me a lot, which was also weird.
They put all the bags in a car and left. They go away regularly though. I'm sure they'll be back. In the meantime, I'll watch the house as I always do.